I have been asked a few times recently if I feel like things are unfair, or if I feel that I am missing opportunities because I am a woman. That is a hard question to answer, because I must admit that I am definitely afforded different opportunities than men, across many aspects of my life. I am also very competitive, so I cannot help but notice these advantages that are not afforded to me. If we are being realistic, there is a lot of documentation out there about how women are at a disadvantage, and of course, a lot of it is true. Additionally, even über feminists and smart women in STEM fields (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) discriminate against women, admittedly probably myself included, if you can believe it. You should. It shocked me to discover it, but as it turns out, you can't escape the patriarchy if you're socialized within it.
On a personal level, the way I deal with this is to learn ways of distracting my attention from those frequently blatant double standards. I came by the decision quite honestly that I had no intention of spending my life comparing my lot to others'. Furthermore, I feel that I have learned valuable lessons, and enjoyed triumphant achievements in my life, as a result of the work I (am forced to) put into my own improvement.
Consider this: if you have ever interacted with someone who has a lot of privilege and is unaware of it, it is rather crippling, and not a very sympathetic condition, either. I am dealing with a person like this in my professional life right now. Everyone that has to work with him has complained about him to me. None of them can stand him, nor can I, though I do my best to have compassion for the kid. It seems to me that this is a problem that privilege may be able to alleviate somewhat, but will never mend entirely. Will money and influence spare him from one day having to face the realization that he cannot do anything on his own? To know that he has not actually had to earn anything? Or is it worse to be completely ignorant to your own ineptitude? Now, realize that there is some degree of this privilege IN ALL MEN, even the nicest ones, and the nicer they are, the less aware they probably are going to be of the privilege that remains in them. They just cannot help themselves, just as we women cannot change who we are. It's a pretty frustrating condition for both sides, truth be told, and I'm not convinced that privilege is the irrefutable champion. I guess it all depends on your priorities.
At the end of the day, I do well enough with what I came by naturally. I try to make the best of my gifts, but my destiny is not solely decided by the genetic lottery. My most cherished gift is my aptitude to earn those privileges via ambition, force of will, and most importantly, never letting my sex steer my goals. I know that I am doing well for myself when I can see that I have inspired men to feel competitive with me, which I think I do often enough. This is what I take home with me at night that helps me to silence the inner voice who overanalyzes and ruminates my own disadvantage. I am not really at such a disadvantage. I may be physically smaller or *GASP* even weaker, but that just means when I lack in one area, I must dominate in another. We all have our own formula; mine is to optimize my own performance, since that is all I can control. The gift that is afforded to me as a result, is nothing short of me doing the best I can with what I was given. How can I possibly do any better than my best? Finally, what sense is there in thinking about another person's opportunities, when I have a different destination?
