level up

I used to love, and continue loving, no matter how little attention or affection was paid me. When I realized the error in my own behavior, as someone who endeavors to command respect for herself, I cut off the flow of constant feedback to those who took from me while ignoring my calls, both literal and figurative, for reciprocity.

One by one, I watched as friends and lovers, both new and old, disappeared from my life without a word. It was/is a very humbling experience, and now I am feeling quite naked in the world. The sensitive tingle of cold air against newly exposed flesh burns, and in response I seek warmth and comfort in familiarity. 

I delve inward, and build routines of household chores, training, and preparing myself for my week. I wake robotically every morning and proceed through my day, and when it is all done, I hit reset and prepare for the next.

None of this is accidental. In this appropriately autumnal period of self-exploration, I'm cultivating all that I intend to reap, and weeding out all that is unnecessary for me to thrive during the spring of my next set of challenges. I am preparing myself for more drastic change while I search for the next level of advancement.

ripe fruit

There are two weeks of summer left, and I keep buying bagfuls of peaches. I want them to last forever in their plumpness. I eat them like a ravenous lion in this heat, tasting their sweet succulence like they are a breeze to quench the summer fever.

friend is a four letter word

The nature of our relationship was me waiting around for you. Until I stopped. Then there was no more relationship.

You probably think this song is about you. You might be right, because it is not just about one person. It is about an era of relationships.

You will never again get another opportunity to be so fucking disrespectful. I am worth so much more than that.