I used to love, and continue loving, no matter how little attention or affection was paid me. When I realized the error in my own behavior, as someone who endeavors to command respect for herself, I cut off the flow of constant feedback to those who took from me while ignoring my calls, both literal and figurative, for reciprocity.
One by one, I watched as friends and lovers, both new and old, disappeared from my life without a word. It was/is a very humbling experience, and now I am feeling quite naked in the world. The sensitive tingle of cold air against newly exposed flesh burns, and in response I seek warmth and comfort in familiarity.
I delve inward, and build routines of household chores, training, and preparing myself for my week. I wake robotically every morning and proceed through my day, and when it is all done, I hit reset and prepare for the next.
None of this is accidental. In this appropriately autumnal period of self-exploration, I'm cultivating all that I intend to reap, and weeding out all that is unnecessary for me to thrive during the spring of my next set of challenges. I am preparing myself for more drastic change while I search for the next level of advancement.
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