level up

I used to love, and continue loving, no matter how little attention or affection was paid me. When I realized the error in my own behavior, as someone who endeavors to command respect for herself, I cut off the flow of constant feedback to those who took from me while ignoring my calls, both literal and figurative, for reciprocity.

One by one, I watched as friends and lovers, both new and old, disappeared from my life without a word. It was/is a very humbling experience, and now I am feeling quite naked in the world. The sensitive tingle of cold air against newly exposed flesh burns, and in response I seek warmth and comfort in familiarity. 

I delve inward, and build routines of household chores, training, and preparing myself for my week. I wake robotically every morning and proceed through my day, and when it is all done, I hit reset and prepare for the next.

None of this is accidental. In this appropriately autumnal period of self-exploration, I'm cultivating all that I intend to reap, and weeding out all that is unnecessary for me to thrive during the spring of my next set of challenges. I am preparing myself for more drastic change while I search for the next level of advancement.

ripe fruit

There are two weeks of summer left, and I keep buying bagfuls of peaches. I want them to last forever in their plumpness. I eat them like a ravenous lion in this heat, tasting their sweet succulence like they are a breeze to quench the summer fever.

friend is a four letter word

The nature of our relationship was me waiting around for you. Until I stopped. Then there was no more relationship.

You probably think this song is about you. You might be right, because it is not just about one person. It is about an era of relationships.

You will never again get another opportunity to be so fucking disrespectful. I am worth so much more than that.

Untitled

When your eyes scan the room,
I want them to rest in mine
And find peace there.
I want my eyes to be your port
In stormy scenes.

Please think of my arms as
A ledge to which you may cling
Should you feel that your pool becomes too deep
Swim to your edges and find me there
Grab onto me,
And pull yourself close
And I promise to stand firm and
Keep your head above water.

Should you ever find that
You are too exhausted
To take another step
You can lean against me like a tree,
Find comfort in my shade,
From my roots to my branches,
You will find support
Should you need it to help you stand.

When you feel that your heart
Is tempted to succumb to darkness
I will beam at you and reflect
The light you need to shine.
My light comes from you,
And I will give it back to you.

Fetish Photo Friday 8/1/14: PEEPSHOW

I love this. So. Hard.

This is kind of disturbing and hot at the same time.

Really? So much beautiful iconography and the real deal modern version is like an arcade. It sort of sucks the allure out of the idea for me, but this is what really gets some people off. More power to em.

Peepshow Label

Keyhole

That's Bill Murray. He's everywhere.

Fetish Photo Friday: Patriotic Pinups

My heart still mourns.

My heart still mourns,

And yet, 

I do not miss you.

There are empty spaces in my life where people,

You were one of them,

Once fit.

I fill them with new pastimes.